small talk, big issues

as we were having dinner, my dad asked me if i was done with my training and i declared that ill be done by december. the next question was obviously what i'll be doing next year. i snickered at the question because honestly, im at a loss with a real answer.

as a child i had always knew what i wanted and went after it as if obstacles were crumbs to be trampled on. i was blessed i guess.

in my early education, i was minding my own business when my school announced to my mom that i had qualified as one of the gifted ones (mwahaha! what a statement!). i could still see my mom so proud (and surprised at that!) as she got home and ran the story again and again to me how the registrar pointed it out to her. so i went along with the label and did pretty well, i survived the insignia was more like it! from then on i felt that my life was one chapter of success after another (nothing big but satisfying).

i knew what college and course i wanted to get into and got there just fine. and when college was done, i knew i wanted to go into further training and despite the hurdles, got my wish. after that, i knew i wanted to specialize and knew what field, and got into training just as well.

for the first 2 years of my training, i knew i wanted to take another step into sub specialization and as always knew what field, but then something happened.

im not quite sure what it was, but it was as if a veil was moved from my eyes and together with a clearer view came confusion.

as ive expressed to some of my friends, i have never been as confused about what to do with my life as i am now. i have always looked, puzzled, at people who did not know what they wanted to do because, before now, i was just so sure of myself. now i look at myself, puzzled.

so this is what they mean about being at the cross roads of life. call me a late bloomer...

i am definitely in a better position now than i was then (thank the heavens above!) but the question still looms, what to do, what to do?